Thursday, July 29, 2010

Forgive me...

Where do I begin?

For those of you that are not familiar with my journey, I have MS, which is trigger by stress along with many other things. But I am going to talk about my stress. And oh yeah, I have OCD!

My WI days (nights) have been Thursdays, now for the last 9 months. Which is how long I have been doing WW. I confess I AM A SCALE ADDICT! Yes, I jump on that silly thing twice a day. For months (at the early stages) I was letting those scales rule my life and caused me stress. But after many long talks to my husband and to myself, I no longer allow that to happen. I now use the scales to keep me in check with my weight. Knowing that my weight goes up and down daily, if not hourly, and I am ok with that.

So now I started obsessing about that MAGIC goal weight number! You know the one that WW wants you to set in order to get their free lifetime membership? So every Thursday I pray to those scales, that today will be the day that I get closer to that MAGIC number. I am so close but just can't reach it. It has been causing me MAJOR MAJOR anxiety and stress. (To the extent that my MS is being effected).

I re-looked at the healthy weight guidelines and decided to make a change to my MAGIC number. ONLY on paper/books, to get to my free lifetime membership with WW. In my mind I am still focused on a much lower MAGIC number. I really think that this will help with my weekly Thursday anxiety attack. No more tears for me. So I looked over my record of weekly WI and found a number that I reached 5 weeks ago and made that my MAGIC number.

So now as long as I don't go over that by 2 pounds, I get a free membership for life. I have 6 weeks to hold my weight lower than that MAGIC number. I can go under as far as I want just not over more than 2 pounds. This should be easy, since I am still striving for a lower number. And I'm already 2 pounds lower than it.

So next week I will be awarded with my reward of reaching GOAL. In a way I feel like I have cheated. (But it is still within my healthy weight guidelines.) It was either this or NOT go to the meetings anymore. My health could not take much more of the stress.

Do you think I am cheating? I hope not! Cause I really love my blog followers and would hate to think that you are disappointed in me. Or that you think I am taking the easy way out.


By the way I lost a pound this week. I'll take it with a smile!


  1. cheating? heck no!! if you don't have to pay any more then it's all good!

  2. Yup! I hear you LOUD and CLEAR!

  3. I am pretty sure I did the same thing back in my WW days. Now, don't do what I did next. I stopped going when I reached lifetime. BIG mistake!

  4. I think you did the right thing. I'm proud of you for having the courage to do what's best for you overall rather than being tied to a number on a scale.

  5. You made the right decision. It is NOT cheating. Getting rid of some that stress will make it easier for you to lose and reach whatever weight you want to be at. Congratulations on reaching goal and becoming a lifetime member!!

  6. Blog followers are (usually) forgiving and easy to get get along with.
    And non-judgemental. And honest in giving feedback - yet supportive.
    Like you, for example when you forgave me a few months ago. Remember when I wrote all that stupid stuff in your blog comments?
    And you have forgiven me. (Thanks again, by the way!)
    But, really - I don't think it's cheating at all! It's not worth one more tear or one more moment of worry or stress.

  7. Oh Lesia!!!! No you are not cheating! YOu are already at a weight in the healthy guidelines??!?!?!? That is awesome and you totally DESERVE the award! I am so happy for you! You look great and should feel no negativity. I had a magic number in mind and yesterday decided it may never happen. I may need to readjust my number. I am 20 lbs away from being in a healthy range according to BMI. I will still try to get to a healthy range but where I am at now is such an honor and improvement from where I was. I want to enjoy my accomplishements and you should too!!!! I am so proud of you.


  8. I do not think that is cheating one bit. You've obviously reached a healthy weight already. Try not to get to tied up in a "magic" number. I know...easier said than done.

  9. I don't think you're cheating... I will say, that the WW policy is that at the end of the 6 weeks of maintenance, you are supposed to be within 2 pounds of that "magic number," both up or down... so a 4 pound range around that number.

    The other thing I will say... if this takes the stress off you, and you do make it to your own "magic number," lower your WW goal to closer to it. I say that because, I didn't at first... and I constantly floated between where I really wanted to be and that magic number.

    But as always, this was my experience... your mileage may vary. You have to do what's right for you. Only you know what that is.

  10. I no way shape or form are you cheating!!! I'm a firm DISbeliever (as is my doctor -- God love her) in the charts and formulas that tell us what we "should" be. When I was doing WW Online the high weight of what they said I "should" be was about 10 pounds lower than what my doctor suggests would be healthy (and even possible) for me. You look amazing and even withOUT the added benefit of the free WW, if changing the number gives you added mental health (as well as easing the stress it's putting on your MS), STICK WITH IT!!!

  11. Not cheating at all!!! Look at you in your skinny jeans!!!

    I can tell you that from being an ex-Weight Watcher's leader, those lower goal weights are much more achievable for younger women. Not saying you can't get there, because I firmly believe that you can!! Just that it's way OK to get the benefit$ of lifetime member$hip a$ $oon a$ you can.

    And, if it will take that terrible stress away from you, then it's a no-brainer.

    One pound down is great! You are a weight loss champion, you really are!! HUG!!

  12. No way are you cheating!!! Just put that out of your head and enjoy reaching your goals. You have come so far and you're putting your health first. If part of putting your health first is controlling stress because of your no more anxiety attacks, then that's totally what you should do. You should be proud that you're listening to yourself and not some random number on the scale that you chose a long time ago. Great Job Lesia!

  13. I agree with Jams - that was my understanding about WW goals too - you had to stay within a 4 pound range (your number + or - 2 pounds) not that you could go as low as you want.

    My opinion is that it doesn't make a difference what we say. Do you feel like you cheated? If you do, nothing we say will'll still have your attacks.

    But if you don't feel like you cheated, then have faith in that. Believe that and you will be fine.

    This next part though? That's the toughest I think...maintaining. And if you're being ruled by the scale such that you're having anxiety attacks, then I would say that this part may be tough for you.

    So if I were you, I'd get some great ideas on how to breathe and relax around this new number so that the anxiety attacks and stress on MS don't continue to happen.

    You look great! And if you have decided that you're happy with where you're at and done with losing weight, then who cares how much you weigh now? We sure don't. :)

    Stop. Breathe. And if you're okay with how you look and where you're at that has to be good enough! :)

  14. If doing this will take the stress off you - especially with the way stress affects your MS, then don't worry about what the rest of us think and go with it.

    You are so much more than the number on the scale. Remember that.

  15. You are definitely NOT cheating.

    I set a MAGIC number that I wanted to get to as well. It was about 10 pounds less than my lowest (skinniest) adult weight ever. I ended up finding pictures of myself at my "skinniest" and decided that if I was 10 pounds skinnier than that....well....that I would most certainly look too "skinny"! lol

    You know I already stress about weight loss and adding an extra 10 pounds to that stress isn't necessary.

    So I definitely think that changing your magic number isn't cheating. Especially if it is affecting your MS!!! :0)

  16. Go for it. It isn't cheating considering you are at a healthy weight. I would be inclined to do the same thing. Perhaps your magic number wasn't really where you needed to be in the first place and you needed to adjust. Congratulations on being at a healthy weight.

  17. You're doing great! By the way, my kids love watching the picture of the lady running on the treadmill!

  18. Definitely not cheating!! In fact, I think you made a very smart decision!
    Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in a number that we cant see what is realistic and healthy for us. Good for you for revising your number to one that is still within the guidelines but that you can maintain with health and happiness in tact! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

  19. I don't think it's cheating either. If I didn't still have so much to lose, I'd probably do the very same thing, but I've still got a ways to go, and my WW leader said she didn't want us focusing on the huge number we have to lose, so I haven't written the target down in stone yet. I know where I plan to go, but as long as nothing's written down, I can probably change it, within the healthy guidelines, of course.

    Great job! It's so awesome that you've reached your healthy weight! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!

  20. Cheating NO WAY... I am amazed with all you go through how you can maintain and still lose... not to mention the meds that I am sure you take...

    SMILE girly you earned it!


    reach me at if you need me in a pinch

  21. I think that the most important thing for Lesia, is for Lesia to be happy - with Lesia! It really doesn't matter what we think, or what anyone at WW thinks, what matters - is what YOU think!! You have traveled a long hard journey, you have beat some incredible odds, and you look FANTASTIC!! So I really and truly hope that deep in Lesia's heart - she feels damn good about herself!!!

  22. I've been worried about how obsessed you've become with your weight, actually. It's like you crossed the line to the "it's not healthy mentally anymore" side. :/

    Glad you're reprioritizing!

  23. Being obsessed about weight can be a bad thing for sure. But a healthy obsession is ok. It seems you have taken it to the limit sometimes but you have reeled yourself back in. What I found myself doing is scale watching as well. But I learned that the scale lies and it is not so much about what the scale says but how you feel. You may never reach you ultimate goal, but if you feel good, look good, and are healthy, then it doesn't matter what the scale says.
    As far as the cheating thing. I don't see it. Do what you want and if it makes you smile, happy , and feel good, do it!