Sunday, April 25, 2010

And then the REALITY hits!

With MS I get the basic weakness, numbness, lack of movement, fatigue, and the dreaded NERVE pain. There are several reasons why I get these symptoms. But over all this years I have found that STRESS is the big one for me.

This past week I have had several stresses. 1~my baby boys court hearing with his sex abuser, 2~my dad's visit next week from Alaska for a week (getting my house in order and making sure my 11 yr old doesn't upset him with her dis respect towards me), 3~seeing my oldest son in Prison (not knowing if he is ok there and when he will be getting out or at least moved closer to me), 4~knowing my weight loss might not being as good as I expected it to be this week (after I felt like I am working and sacrificing to do it), 5~Where I am hurting my loved ones by talking about my weight loss so much (making them feel guilt that they aren't), 6~getting my home cleaned for my guests, 7~not spending more time with my grand kids so my daughter gets more of a break, 8~being there for my mom's emotional ride while she deals with her sick husband, 9~the fear of not being able to walk again and relying on the wheel chair, 10~the goal that I set when I reached a 50 pound loss and we were going to Hawaii but now that trip is causing me anxiety on whether I want to be that far away from my family. As you can see I worry about things WAY too much. My family told me once that "I would worry, if I didn't have anything to worry about."

A few weeks ago my feet were causing me LOTS of pain and I thought (was hoping) it was just the fact I was not wearing shoes. But now the pain has moved up my right leg shooting electrical shock pains all the way up to my growing area. And it is getting worse. And my right foot is constantly a sleep with the pins and needle feeling always sticking me. This morning my right side and arm and hand are now hurting. This is what MS does to me. I am taking my Valiums and trying to get as much rest as I can. But as I lay in my bed my mind races with ALL the things that need to be done before next Saturday. I wish I could turn off my chatter box in my head.

I was so excited to share with my dad that I could walk better now and that I am moving more. But if he sees me like this it will break his heart and mine too. It looks like my weight training will need to be postponed a week or til I get better. And the past has show me that when I get like this I don' want to eat which will also effect my weigh in on Thursday. It's going to be a hard week for me and I pray I can get past this as quickly as possible.
This Too will pass as the doctors have stated...


  1. I sure hope that things get better. Have the faith that all will work, get a priesthood blessing for comfort and peace. I love ya and our prayers will be with you at this time.

  2. Hang in there Lesia! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be. But I know, even in just the short time I've known you, that you are a strong determined woman and you can conquer anything! Focus on staying positive and focusing on all the wonderful things in your life!!

  3. Wow. that is a lot of stress. Have you considered medication for the OCD? I take it and I have to say that the improvement in my life is phenomenal. Glad I took a look at your blog. We do have a lot in common. I don't have MS, but I can relate to the emotional issues for sure.