Monday, April 26, 2010


Why do I do this to myself? If I were only more like my husband. I am not sure if the way I deal with STRESS is something I learned or was born with. All I know is I HATE IT! Knowing that MS is triggered by STRESS, it's no darn wonder I have it! There are a lot of things in the life that a person can STRESS about. I think I know them ALL! And if I haven't found one I am sure I will soon.

Here's a little back ground on my life~I never really tried to loose weight before. A few of years ago I went to the MD Diet Center and joined and I did loose with the aide of their shots and pills. But I didn't learn any good eating habits (unless you call their pills good). The reason behind me joining that center was the fact that my health was getting to a point that I may have to be carried, due to my lack of strength. I knew at the weight I was at my poor husband would not be able to carry my fat butt very far if at all. So I wanted to get light for his sake as well as mine. After I lost weight my health improved and I no longer was STRESSED on having to be carried anymore. I kept the weight down for a couple years then it slowly started to gain on me again. I never got as heavy as I was before I started the MD Diet plan but I did gain a lot of it back.

Now I want to loose the weight to look better. I never really had the whole YO-YO thing before. And even now that I am doing WW I haven't had to deal with it like some of my friends are. I think that would really be a hard one. Just having a couple of weeks where I only lost .6 pounds was so STRESSFUL. I can't even imagine how hard it is week after week for some of my friends. I know my day will come and I feel sorry for any one in my path. Cause I think I would be a big pain in the rear!

Hitting close to 50 years old makes me STRESSED! I don't want look OLD I want to look as young as I feel. I keep my hair colored (even have been known to put pink and purple in it). I go tanning too (cause brown fat looks thinner than white fat). I missed out on all the cute clothes too. Adopting my 11 year old grand daughter is keeping me young I guess. (being in good health for her is STRESSFUL too) Did I mention I STRESS?

Not having really done too many diet programs makes me a greenie. I try so hard to do what I learn at my meetings and I over think everything I do. I get way STRESSED when I don't get all my healthy foods or come even close to my daily points. (I usually don't even get 18). Because I have OCD I think that this program maybe pushing me into a STRESS attack. I know I can do it and I have for the last 6 months. But I am getting STRESSED that I might not be able to get to where I want to be. The more I STRESS the sicker I get! I am a control freak and I think the Lord knew that with the MS I would quickly learn that I can not control that! So as I try to control my MS I become (you got it) more STRESSED! Sometimes my attacks can last days or weeks. What if this attack goes for weeks and I can't exercise and in return my weight goes up? I will really hate myself and even become so depressed that it scares me that I might just give up. STRESS! But I am trying to control my diet and my healthy lifestyle.

So I set my mind that I was going to drop 50 pounds and as a reward my husband and I would go to Hawaii. Now that I am only 4.8 pounds from that goal I am STRESSED that I might actually get there. (THEN WHAT!!!) Going to Hawaii is very scary for me cause it is out of my comfort zone. Yes, I know it is a beautiful place to go and I should be SO happy and excited to go. BUT the thought of going to a place I have never been before STRESSES me out.

With all this STRESS I just need to re-learn how to manage my anxiety better. I hate the feeling of taking Valium. (1 is good but not when you have to take them every 8 hours for days). I am a scale weight watcher. Meaning I weigh myself every night before bed just to see where I am. Usually by Sunday I can see something different on the scales from my Thursday night weigh in results. (normally it is less). But this week I am reading the same and it makes me wonder if I am going to have a gain at the last minute. I am still eating healthy but this week I am not able to exercise and my husband is FORBIDDING me to even think about it either. He and I both know I have to rest. Again more STRESS! (Not being able to exercise makes me feel like I am a failure) More STRESS!

With the help of my close friends and support members I am really going to lean on them to get me through this hard time. So if you see tears in my eyes and you think I need a hug, I probably do! I am not a good writer but I try to say whats on my mind I hope it made sense. Ty for taking the time to read this. Love you all!


  1. wow mom, i love you so much and if you ever need a hug we have a whole bunch for you over here, my family is so proud of you and even my neighbors have seen the pounds drop off u, keep up the great work. we love you

  2. you are awesome!! (((hugs)) I know it is not the same but it is all I can do until I see you again. May I just say "stress" is a dangerous thing. I don't want to be preachy cause truly I am the last person I would want to hear from but I know you read my wednesday blogs. As a person we are only human and we truly have human fears and concerns, but there are sometimes that some of those things are out of your hands or mine and we must trust in the Lord. We have the opportunity to speak with our Heavenly Father anytime and anyplace he is always there. He will lift those "stresses" if we allow him or even ask him. I love you so much and I am so very proud of you.

  3. I have a couple classmates who do the weight watchers program. An aunt of mine was on it back in the early to mid '70s and I don't know if they still penalize you for weight gain. For the most part I think it's a good program but from what I remember about it, they don't take into consideration some of the health issues some folks deal with. They want you to lose weight period despite health concerns.

    Your MS is a factor, your OCD is a factor which in turn drives you to overdo and do it in less time. When it doesn't seem to be working as fast as you think it should or you put on .6 pounds, you panic, work harder, yada yada yada. STRESS! You betcha and not only mental but physical.

    Granted you want to be healthier, weight wise. Take your time girl, don't put an earlier time limit than is normally advised. Even weight lifters don't go from lifting 50 pounds to 500 pounds in a couple months.

    I know you don't like having MS, a lot of folks don't like having some sort of disorder. Your body has limits, less than the so called Normies. Live by those limits, please don't overdo cuz it's not worth killing yourself for. You know the story of the Tortoise and the Hare?! Slow and steady wins the race.

  4. First, I think you are a good writer! Thank you for inviting me to your blog!!
    Second, I agree with Holly, bring it to God. His word tells us over 300 times to 'fear not'. That tells me that He understands that we are going to be prone to stressing. So go to Him and ask for His perfect help, He understands and loves you!! I don't mean to be preachy either, and let me be the first to admit that I struggle with stress sometimes too and need to bring it to the Lord.
    Hugs to you my new friend!! Don't be hard on yourself. Do what you can and feel good about it.
    diane :)