Addiction, what does that mean? Addiction is a dependence on a behavior or sub-stance that a person is powerless to stop. There are so many things that a person can be addicted to. Too many to name. There are bad things and even good things that are addicting. So why am I blogging about this you may ask? Well let me begin with this.
I have always thought that I do not have an addictive personality. My children on the other hand do. My past behaviors have made me think that way. I smoked for a very short time and then just STOPPED. I did cocaine and then STOPPED. I drank then STOPPED. It seemed to me that it was very easy for me to STOP something that I witnessed in others to have a very hard time STOPPING. Hence the non-addictive personality conclusion.
I really never was an OVER eater just a poor eater. So when I decided to STOP with the bad eating I thought this will be like the other habits and I will just STOP. And I did! I do not struggle with having bad foods in the house. I just STOPPED. I have not been on a diet before yet I have had issues with being fat my whole life. It was not a priority to lose the weight so I never did. I don't expect everyone to understand or even feel sorry for me. Just wanted to give you some insight in my life. I guess I allowed my health issues to become a bigger priority than me losing the weight.
So now the root of this post today! Yesterday I made a decision to have my husband put the scales WAY up high so I would not be able to get them. He did that and I was happy for a minute. Then this overwhelming feeling came over me that I had not felt before. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew it was not normal for me. I tried to put it out of my head and focused on other things. Out of sight out of mind. But every time I stepped in the bathroom (where the scales used to be) that feeling came back. "Is this an addiction that I am feeling?"
I pondered on that for the evening and I had dreams about those SCALES all night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I so DID NOT want to have an addiction! All these years I have been telling myself that I did not have THAT personality. So what is actually going on? It could be worse I guess. I could have a lot of other things to be addicted to. So if putting the scales away caused my whole personality to turn ugly. (0 to BITCH in .5 seconds)Then I want them back.
He took the scales down I weighed myself and immediately I felt better. YEP I am addicted! But I understand the whole body fluctuation and the don't just measure your success on the scales. I only am using the scales as a way to keep me focused on the big picture. I would hate to go a whole week and then see I really screwed up. I NEED to know on a daily basis that I am on track and I am doing ok. So the scales are not my enemy (bad) they are my friend (good).
What a break through for me today. Like I mention at the beginning there are 2 types of addictions. Bad for you and GOOD for you. OK this is my story and I am sticking to it!
Day 1 - Trying to learn to get healty.
6 hours ago