Saturday, May 29, 2010

addiction?

Addiction, what does that mean? Addiction is a dependence on a behavior or sub-stance that a person is powerless to stop. There are so many things that a person can be addicted to. Too many to name. There are bad things and even good things that are addicting. So why am I blogging about this you may ask? Well let me begin with this.

I have always thought that I do not have an addictive personality. My children on the other hand do. My past behaviors have made me think that way. I smoked for a very short time and then just STOPPED. I did cocaine and then STOPPED. I drank then STOPPED. It seemed to me that it was very easy for me to STOP something that I witnessed in others to have a very hard time STOPPING. Hence the non-addictive personality conclusion.

I really never was an OVER eater just a poor eater. So when I decided to STOP with the bad eating I thought this will be like the other habits and I will just STOP. And I did! I do not struggle with having bad foods in the house. I just STOPPED. I have not been on a diet before yet I have had issues with being fat my whole life. It was not a priority to lose the weight so I never did. I don't expect everyone to understand or even feel sorry for me. Just wanted to give you some insight in my life. I guess I allowed my health issues to become a bigger priority than me losing the weight.

So now the root of this post today! Yesterday I made a decision to have my husband put the scales WAY up high so I would not be able to get them. He did that and I was happy for a minute. Then this overwhelming feeling came over me that I had not felt before. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew it was not normal for me. I tried to put it out of my head and focused on other things. Out of sight out of mind. But every time I stepped in the bathroom (where the scales used to be) that feeling came back. "Is this an addiction that I am feeling?"

I pondered on that for the evening and I had dreams about those SCALES all night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I so DID NOT want to have an addiction! All these years I have been telling myself that I did not have THAT personality. So what is actually going on? It could be worse I guess. I could have a lot of other things to be addicted to. So if putting the scales away caused my whole personality to turn ugly. (0 to BITCH in .5 seconds)Then I want them back.

He took the scales down I weighed myself and immediately I felt better. YEP I am addicted! But I understand the whole body fluctuation and the don't just measure your success on the scales. I only am using the scales as a way to keep me focused on the big picture. I would hate to go a whole week and then see I really screwed up. I NEED to know on a daily basis that I am on track and I am doing ok. So the scales are not my enemy (bad) they are my friend (good).

What a break through for me today. Like I mention at the beginning there are 2 types of addictions. Bad for you and GOOD for you. OK this is my story and I am sticking to it!

18 comments:

  1. Lesia-
    That is too funny! I think you are blessed to have a non-addictive type personality. I don't see your scale mongering as an addiction... but just a good habit to keep you on track! But maybe this experience also helps you relate to those who do have addictive personalities! I love your blog!!
    ~Margene
    http://believingitspossible.blogspot.com/

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  2. Sounds like you know yourself pretty good! I on the other hand need to hide my scales...and I on the other hand LOVE to eat!! Hence my addiction! FOOOOOOOD Burgers and fries and candy (peanut butter m&m's) But hey this is about you...sorry I got carried away!! LOL
    Good for you Lesia and way to go at meeting! You rock!!

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  3. You are lucky not to have the addiction issue with substances. It's interesting that you never did a diet before now. Very different perspective than the majority of us, I reckon.

    A little metal box with a number on it, no problem, you can handle that.

    You might be addicted to thrill-seeking. I saw those pictures of you on those scary rides at the amusement park!

    Have a fun weekend! Enjoy 50.8 lost.

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  4. LOL...you could always look at getting on the scale frequently as keeping you in check rather than as an addiction!!?? And there are certainly worse things to be addicted to!!

    I myself have an addictive type personality. Thankfully I have been able to keep them in check...for the most part...except for food as of late....

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  5. I feel similarly about my scale. I can't imagine not weighing in each day. But when I go on vacation without it, I am certainly free from the feeling. Hmmm.

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  6. Interesting self-discovery today!

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  7. Hi Lesia. I am a once a week weigher but I have been finding myself getting an extra reading or two between weigh ins. And FYI-i met my 169.5 goal this morning! shhhh.
    But in all seriousness...you have worked hard to get to where you are at and I would think that weighing is a great way to keep you on track :)

    Jennifer
    http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

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  8. The scale can be a tough one. I wonder if weighing is kind of a control issue for you. When we weigh...we feel in control...it's validates our weight status....not weighing can produce anxiety because we don't know what's going on. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is kind of how it works for me.

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  9. count me on that addiction too.. I know we have done the scale talk.. but I just can't help it..

    Awesome post today...

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  10. A real insight for you Lesia. We all have addictions or compulsions for something and like you said "Some are good, some bad". Even good addictions/compulsions can turn bad for an individual when it starts to affect others in our lives. Now this is where you ask "How can that happen?"

    Take for instance a good provider of the family who works hard to give his/her family a good life. At first, it's just working an extra job or a few extra hours at current job, just to get a little extra ahead of the game. Well, so now there is extra stashed away and the provider can take a breather and go back to normal. But then they don't. Let's get more built up, then we can REALLY do something fantastic! Okay, sounds good doesn't it?! Only problem now is, the provider can't find the time (it seems) to kick back and relax. The family gets pushed off to the side again with only promises of dreams waiting to be fulfilled.

    And really not much different than the alcoholic or drug addict, the provider has become a workaholic.

    As long as we keep our compulsions in check, think how it may affect our family,even friends, and our health, they won't become a bad addiction.

    Dieting only becomes bad when we don't eat properly, just like over-eating or eating the wrong things. For most people, the word "Diet" means you can't eat this or that, a life of salads. Let's change that word "Diet" to "Changing the way I eat" or "How I learned to eat properly". You don't have to deny yourself those sweets, just don't eat them as much. Cut down on your portions of your favorite meals, cook them differently (from frying in fat to baking them), take your time between mouthfuls (don't gulp it down) because it gives your food a chance to settle in and you'll be just as full (properly) as when you used to eat 3 times that amount quickly.

    It's not easy, there's work involved in getting ourselves healthier. There's another part to eating properly. Want to know what it is? Lesia, for you it's difficult right now because of your foot but here's one way. After a meal, most likely supper, instead of going to the couch or your favorite chair to watch the boob-tube till it's time for bed --- go for a walk with your spouse or dog (if you have either) and think about what the other part of a healthier you might be!

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  11. This post made me smile because I do the same thing. I get on that scale quite often. I heard about some research that said that people who weigh in every day were better off than people who weigh in only once a week. Because just like you said, you can keep yourself in check and change the problem before it becomes a bigger mistep in the week. You can turn the week around and stop whatever behavior you were doing that isn't working.

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  12. Hey there,

    First, I want to say thank you for the great compliment about my blog postings! It gives me great pleasure to entertain you and your husband, although I know that not all of my posts will be funny. :)

    Secondly, I think it's great that you were in tune enough with your body to notice that you had a feeling that wasn't what you normally feel.

    Certainly you can also STOP this - in the same way that you stopped other habits.

    Right now you need this crutch to help you feel more in control.

    When it starts being the barometer to your moods, is something that I would be worried about. Like if the scale is down, you're happy but if it's up you're sad or mad. Keep an eye on it and as long as it's a healthy relationship, no harm no foul right?

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  13. I took you up on your kind offer and rushed right over! :)

    Very interesting insights! I wonder if it's the scale you're addicted to or the feeling of control? By that I mean, if you had another way of measuring your on-plan-nedness (new word!), would you need the scale? For me, my measure is my itty bitty notebook in which I record my minutes exercised and any food splurges (as well as all my other life minutia). Your post made me realize that I've basically substituted the notebook for the scale, because I feel lost without my notes!

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  14. If the worse thing going on is that you need to step on the scale everyday, then kudos to you. There are worse things I could think of that would worry people.
    You're doing awesome Lesia!

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  15. Lesia, Great insight - I struggle too!! You are inspirational!! I gave you another Beautiful Blogger Award!! Hugs!

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  16. Everyone has to figure out what works for them. I am a daily weigher most of the time and it works for me. I don't use it as my only way to mark my progress. The way my clothes fit works just as well!

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  17. You have a blog award waiting for you over at my blog. Come see. http://tracitreasures.blogspot.com/

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  18. Very interesting insight on your part, Lesia! I'm glad you've figured out what works for you. I am definitely not addicted to the scales... probably because I'm afraid of what they'll tell me!

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