Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm a donkey on the edge!

Ok as most of you know I have been under a great deal of stress this week. I thought I would write about my feelings in hopes to help ME understand them better and maybe learn something in the process. The funny thing about stress is it brings out so many different emotions. (I am sure the steroids aren't helping my emotions either.) I am normally a very out spoken person and have no problem sharing my feelings or thoughts to anyone that may be in the aim of fire. And it doesn't help that I have my father's Italian blooded temper either. (I like to use that as an excuse for my rudeness) With that being said you may understand my post better.

Stress 1~Physical:

A) MS. Having MS for 24 years is a challenge all of it own. But when my life was finally going in a positive direction I got this new condition. My foot has multiple injuries to which the foot surgeons are puzzle with. (I feel like a Ginnie pig). I am not able to walk on it for weeks and I am back in the wheel chair while it heals. Not being able to drive is a bummer too.
B) Food.I have to really be hungry before I attempt to get myself up out of my assigned seat and head to the kitchen. So the tracking and eating as much as I should has been hard this week.
C) Appearance. I am not looking my best this week either. I have no interest in getting showered or dressed. Not being able to go anywhere; so whats the point? And of course wearing this giant boot I can't really wear too many types of pants. So I am wearing stretch pants or pajamas. Not a good feeling or look.

Stress 2~Emotional: (this one could go on forever)

A) My kids. 1 in prison, 1 in a group home, 1 in a co dependent relationship and 1 still at home (my 11 year old) who thinks she knows it ALL. Need I say more? They are always a worry for me..
B) The scales. Every night I weigh myself just to see if I am on track. (I no I shouldn't). It drives me crazy to see how much I go up and down from day to day. So why on Thursday nights my scales read the highest number for the week? Lucky for me the WW scales have been nicer. I still struggle with the numbers on the scales which will be my challenge forever I think but hope to overcome. I wish I took my measurements at the beginning so I could have another way to see my successes.
C) Tracking. Sitting at the computer without being able to elevate my foot has been hard. I don't have a laptop:( I track on the computer with the WW E-tools program. I am very good at tracking too if I say so myself. But this week I have NOT tracked, NOT one thing. Which has been a bummer and a bit scary.
D) Bitchy. Being in pain for this long plays on your emotions. "If MOMMA ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" My family hates that saying...But it is so true. I have really tried not to take it out of them but STILL I seem to it.

Stress 3~Financial:

A) Scans. This one is a big one only because the doctors don't know what exactly is wrong with my foot. But for a mir $3,000 to $8,000 they can do a scan to find out. So in the mean time I continue to let them treat me as if they have the right diagnosis. That's were the Ginnie pig thing comes in.
B) Concerts. I have a lot of concerts that I spent a lot of $$ on this summer. And I did not get wheel chair seating so I feel the anxiety of how am I going to get to my seats now? I love concerts and live for the excitement of going. Music is my love!
C) Vacation. Another trip we have schedule is San Diego in June. Not sure if I want to do that one now either. The doctors say it could take up to 8 weeks to get better. I am NOT going in a boot or heaven forbid my wheelchair!

Stress 4~Spiritual:

A) Church. I missed church now for a couple of weeks. I need the spiritual uplift that I get by going to church. I miss the time to ponder about my testimony and learn from those who are teaching. I miss the spiritual feeding I get while I am there.
B) VT calling. I am not able to fulfill my Visiting Teacher calling either. I hate the fact that I am letting those who I love and care so much about, be put on hold.

Stress 5~Medical:

A) Steroids. I have been on high doses of steroids in the past many times. With my experiences its always been water weight (I don't even drink that many pounds of water), hunger (strap on the ole fed bag), insomnia (bad sleep=weight gain)and depression (which is always scary). None of them are good for my emotions.
B) Stress fracture. don't walk on it. Ice it. Elevate it. And BE PATIENT!
C) Plantar Fasciitis. can't address this one til the fracture is healed. So BE PATIENT!
D) Tarsal Tunnel. could need surgery and lots of physical therapy which has to be put on hold til the fracture is healed. So BE PATIENT!
E) Patience. I haven't found a pill for that one so I can't fix it I guess. LOL

So there you have it in a nut shell. I hope I didn't come across as uneducated. Writing is NOT one of my best qualities. I do have a couple college degrees (a lot of good they are doing for me now). I never was good at English or Literature or History or...(well lets just say I graduated). My husband told me to write this from my heart and not to compare it to my friends post, that are written with so much eloquence.

I am so shocked that in spite of the fact I was dealing with ALL that crap I still was able to lose 1.6 pounds this week. I owe it to the skills I have learned over the last 7 months of doing WW. And ALL the love of support from my CYBER friends.

I think that my blog followers are actually a bigger support to me than my friends that see me everyday (minus my family who are AWESOME). - The place for profile layouts, flash generators, glitter graphics, backgrounds and codes

So this is my SHOUT OUT to ALL those followers....THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU! And without you I could not have done this. (well maybe that's a bit much. I think I should give myself more credit than that.) But you get the point.


  1. You lost 1.6lbs. Is that not a success? I doesn't matter if it is only .5lbs. If you lose it is a success. All the emotional strain is understandable. No one should have to tolerate and endure what you are dealing with. Each day is to be treasured and each day you lose weight is a day to treasure and be happy for the success of losing.
    Try not to be too down or hard on yourself Lesia. You have endured this for 24+ years. It takes a strong woman to do what you have.
    Kudos to you!!!!!!!

  2. Thanks John I am very happy and shocked that I lost this week. And you are right ANY loss is better than a gain!

  3. I want to give you the "Fabulous Blogger Award!"
    I will post your name there on my blog!
    Since you are a fabulous blogger!

  4. Thank you Anne. You are too kind:)

  5. Lesia, thanks for your sweet comment, and congrats on the loss! any loss is GOOD loss! i just read your bio on the sidebar and am touched by your strength.

  6. Josie I hope you become a follower to help encourage me on my journey. You can never have too many supporters!

  7. congrats on the loss! Hope you have a nice weekend!

  8. I hope it was healing for you to be able to get it all off your chest. Sometimes when we carry those burdens all by ourselves it can drive us into the ground (or to eating... as the case may be) :D. You are doing awesome, just keep hanging tight to the skills you have learned and you'll be okay. Congrats on your loss girl!!!

  9. Wow - with all that's going on, you still had a great loss!!! You should be so stinkin' proud of yourself!!
    I know this is going to sound so trite, but with all that you're dealing with, just take it one day at a time. Don't feel bad about what you aren't able to do at the moment, theres a reason for it (only God knows) just focus on what you can do - like losing that 1.6 lbs - hollahhhh!!!
    Hang in there my friend and I'll continue to pray! hugs ~ diane :)

  10. Lesia, you are such a success!!! I love your blog, you are a wonderful lady!!!

  11. Holy smokes woman! You are SOOOO amazing! I don't know how you do it all. I want to be you when I grow up! You just keep carrying on no matter the situation. You totally inspire me!!!